Goodbye to the Sickness

Danny and I love to eat. And I mean love to eat. (I feel like there are not enough bolds, italics or underlines to emphasize how much we love to eat.)

When something good happens, we go out and celebrate. When either of us are going through something, we eat to feel better. We grew up in Southern California, having some of the most amazing food at our fingertips. Our friends are foodies. Danny’s best friend is a chef (a phenomenal chef). And we travel often to places that boast fine cuisine.

Everything about our world involves food.

One thing (other than my food addiction) that has always kept me from making a change to my eating habits is what it would do to my ability to experience. Experience life, experience fine things, experience the world. If Danny and I like to go out to dinner, what will eating small portions and staying away from fried/fattening food do to our date nights? We are going to New York for Spring Break… will we really be able to have fun without being able to eat lots of pizza and bagels and Italian food?

Even now, as I write this, I realize how sick it sounds. And that is exactly what it is --- a sickness. My world should not revolve around food. My mood, or planning a trip, or going out on dates should not be dictated by what I want to eat. But it has. Because food has been there for me.

When my dad failed to show up time, after time, after time… food brought me happiness.

When I watched all of my friends begin dating during high school and I remained on the sidelines… food brought me consolation. 

When I felt rejection after rejection during college because I didn’t fit the “good Christian” mold… food brought me comfort.

Food is one of my oldest friends, and it is hard to let go. It is incredibly difficult to change behaviors that have been present for twenty-something years. But the major thing I have been reminding myself of recently is how wonderful my life is now, as opposed to the times when I tried to eat my feelings away.

My relationship with my dad, while still imperfect, is healthier because of choices I have made. 

I am married to the absolute most incredibly, honorable, kind, loving man I have ever known. 

And I have found work and friendships that make me feel purposed and valued.

I am taking advantage of this time as an opportunity to change my habits. I am saying goodbye to the sickness that has ruled my life for so long. No more basing what I eat on what I feel. Because if I can’t make the change now, when everything is better than I ever could have imagined --- how will I handle it when things are not so wonderful?

I am happy to say that after my weigh-in this morning I have officially lost over 15 pounds! I have a lot my work to do, and lot more sweat and counting points and choosing not to go out to dinner... but I am excited about seeing the transformation I am beginning to feel.

Green Is My Favorite Color!!!

This isn't really a post, just a comment about the fact that my supervisor bought me a gorgeous Camelbak water bottle for my birthday!!! So now I won't have to go through 4-dozen water bottles every week in my attempt to complete my water challenge. Not only is the bottle green, but I am also being green by using it... yay sustainability!!!